Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Series of Fortunate Events...Who I Am: Part One

My Childhood,  a Battery,  and Monsters

         I had a great childhood. My parents met in high school, got married and had 3 children...my two older brothers, Chris and Eric, and myself. As kids, we had everything we needed and most of what we wanted. My father worked, and my mom raised her babies. We had a nice house, food on the table, decent clothes, and our parents stayed involved in whatever we were doing at the time. Chris was a bit odd...always running around with his indian headdresses and army gear, and Eric pretty much kept to himself, aside from making fun of Chris' eccsentricness and poking me with sticks, of course. We were raised in a Christian home, stayed involved in church, attended a private Christian school, and we had lots of neighborhood friends. We had a dog and a cat...in short, I guess you could say we had the American dream.

        I remember my mother as being my nurturer, and my father as being my playmate. My mother spent long hours cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, while my dad worked. I can't ever remember being unhappy, unless you count the times when my brothers would throw granddaddy longlegs in my hair or hang my barbie doll heads from the ceiling. Such evil creatures. I guess I deserved {most of} it. One time, when I was about 6 or 7,  I was throwing pillows at Eric while he was watching t.v. For some reason, he felt possessed to take the batteries out of the remote and lob one my way. Just as I was poking my head over the couch to launch another pillow at him, the battery whacked me smack dab in between my eyes on the bridge of my nose. I don't remember feeling any pain, but I quickly took the opportunity to get Eric in trouble. I managed to muster up some tears and went crying into my mother, who was on the phone. She looked down at me, her mouth dropped open and she said "Oh shit, I have to go", and hung up the phone. I was so dumbfounded at the word that came out of her mouth, that I didn't even notice the blood running down my face and on my hands. That was the first time I ever heard my mother say a word like that, and it dawned on me that she would need to ask God to forgive her for saying that when she said her prayers that night. It turned out that I just needed a steri strip to hold it together for a while, and I felt terrible when my mom screamed at my brother that he was grounded. Of course, I didn't feel bad enough to actually admit that it was my own fault. He did manage to give me a "I'll get you for this" look on his way up to his room. I'm sure he did, sometime or another.

       I spent most of my time outside of school playing with the neighbor kids, whom I'll never forget, and occasionally I would try out some new activity...dance, cheerleading, soccer, to name a few. I never really stuck with any of them, but I remember my parents always being there and encouraging me to do my best. I remember taking day trips to the mountains with my family to have a picnic and hike. I spent many summers with my grandparents and cousins in Pennsylvania. I felt safe and secure, except for the dimes that lived in my closet, and the weevils that lived in our light sockets. I'm not sure how old I was, but one night I had a dream that I was sitting in my dad's recliner that sat by the window. I was just minding my own business when I heard something knocking on the wall. I got down on my hands and knees trying to find out where the knocking was coming from. I realized it was coming from right behind the light socket. So, I closed one eye and peered into the socket and saw a pair of glowing red eyes. I jumped up into the chair, and suddenly these terrifying little weasel like things with long, sharp teeth and blood covered claws came climbing out of the holes and creeped up into my chair to eat me. I relayed my dream to my parents, and described the creatures and gave them the name "weevils". Yikes, now that's a nightmare. As for dimes, I don't remember much about them except that they were shadowy figures that lived in my closet and the attic that adjoined my room. I imagine the name "dimes" came from "demons" that I had heard my pastor talk about. Way to scare the crap out of the church kids, people.

 I guess I had the childhood that many others at that time did (besides vivid dreams of weird creatures), and also one that many might envy. My life didn't really change until my parents decided to get a divorce. The "big D" as Chris called it, was the turning point in my life where I began my journey into depression, drugs, teen pregnancy, TTP, and eventual complete satisfaction in where I've been, what I'm made of, and who I am.



Until next time......

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Future of My Blog

So, my blog hasn't quite evolved into what I had hoped that it would. I find myself struggling to get posts up, and most of them are not quite how I hoped them to be because my time is limited thanks to two rowdy yet wonderful boys, a beautifully happy marriage, and a desire to obtain my degree in education. So I have decided to change my course a bit, and instead of writing about random, uninteresting things that I post just to keep my blog going, I am going to do what I initially set out to do: document my life. Maybe one day, I will find the time to compile it all into a book of some sort. But even if I don't, at least I will have it here to be able to look back on.

I have to say thanks to my sister, Amanda, for setting me on this "mission", whether she meant to or not. She started her blog recently, My Soulmate My Chalk Bum and Me, and I think we can really push each other to make these blogs what we really want them to be. I can't wait for her to get hers rolling, and I hope you all will follow along with her as well.

So...in the future, be looking for my posts about me, my husband, our children, our family, and how we got to where we are. I hope you enjoy reading about us, as much as I know I will enjoy writing!

Wordless Wednesday

"I WANT CANDY!"

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I LOVE Tax Time!

I know, I know...I'm nuts. But I have good reason to be excited this year. Daniel and I purchased our first home in August of 2009. Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that this year there is a huge tax break for first time homebuyers. I am in the process of finishing our taxes up (I do them myself...I can't imagine PAYING someone to do something that I can do just as well myself), and this morning I danced and jumped around my kitchen (whacking my knee on the cabinet in the process) after seeing our refund. We are going to be able to pay off ALL our bills (except our car and mortgage, of course). AHHHH! I can't imagine anything better happening right now. Ok, winning the lottery would obviously be better, but you get the point.

My goal is to be completely debt free. It angers me every time I think about the money that I throw down the drain in interest to credit card companies. What kills me is that everyone TRIED to tell me not to get caught up using credit cards...of course, since I am such a hard head, I never listened. If I can pass advice on to my children (and anyone else out there who happens to read this)...DO NOT BUY A NEW CAR, AND DO NOT OVERSPEND USING CREDIT. Just take my word for it...or be a moron, like me, and do it anyway. I promise you'll pay in the long run.

I am putting myself on a mission, and a long term one at that. My mission is to not buy anything unless I can pay cash for it. Of course, I know things will come up that might set me back a bit, but after these bills are paid off, I am cutting up the cards and never looking back. I really wish I had the balls to call the credit card companies and tell them that they are the devil. :)

Now I know that some of you who read this are going to hate me for my luck, but don't think we got to this point without suffering a bit. Daniel lost his job back in May, and we went for quite a while on next to nothing since I don't work. The past few months have been hard too...we went from eating like kings and queens to eating ramen noodles several times a week. We also didn't get this way just because we are lucky...we've learned from our financial mistakes and tried not to repeat them. Luckily we bought our house at a good time and we are fortunate enough to able to take advantage of one of the few things our government hands to people who actually work for it.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with everyone our good fortune, and I hope tax time treats you well.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Weekend Plans

The past couple of months have been so busy, and Daniel informed me that he doesn't think we spend enough time just hanging out at home. Which, as a stay at home mom, I get a bit aggravated about. I mean, I spend ALL my time at home! I know how feels though...he works all week, and just wants to be home on the weekends. Me, on the other hand...I'm at home all week, and I just want to go somewhere (anywhere!...even Wal Mart is exciting) on the weekends. But, I do see what he means, so I told him that I would try harder not to overschedule us so that he can have some time at home. Anyway...here are our plans for this weekend.

Last night, we had movie night with Caiden. We watched G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. For those of you who know Caiden, you know he just loves to watch things get blown up...he's such a boy. Anyway, he loved it of course, Daniel fell asleep (which he never fails to do when watching a movie), and I hated the movie. It was like Power Rangers on steroids. Oh well, it was nice to hang out with Caiden. Our life is so busy that we rarely have time to spend one on one with Caiden, so we've made it a point to reserve Friday nights after Levi has gone to bed just for Caiden. He loves it. 

Today Caiden plays his third basketball game. They won their first game, and lost their second. I absolutely LOVE watching him play, so I'm sure it will be the highlight of the weekend. I am sure we'll go out to eat after the game.

I'm not sure what we'll do tomorrow, other than taking Caiden to the middle school for their basketball pictures. Jeremy and Ashley invited us over for dinner, so we'll probably do that too. 

Other than that, I am hoping to keep the house somewhat in order since GE is coming Monday to fix the stove and the fridge. I also have a bit of reading to do in my lit class, and I was hoping to maybe get some work done on Daniel's hunting scrapbook...except that I just remembered that all of my scrapbooking stuff is at Nana Weet's! Oh well...

So those are my plans...although I'm sure no one really cares :)   Have a wonderful weekend!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Real Life as a Stay at Home Momma

So, I got discouraged yesterday morning because when I took Caiden to school, I saw another mom hop out of her car to help her son get out. Her hair looked beautiful...long, curled, and obviously washed. I ran my hands through my own hair, and felt a greasy rat's nest. The other mom had on a cute pair of jeans, heels, and pretty pink top. I looked down in disgust at my raggedy pink hoodie and my too big sweats, not to mention my black fuzzy slippers. Her make up was perfect. My face hadn't been washed...hell, I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet. Now, you say, she probably had to get to work and that's why she looked like she did. No, I know this mom from one of Caiden's ball teams...she has a little girl about Levi's age, and she stays at home. Well maybe she had somewhere to go, you say. Yes, that's possible, but it doesn't really matter...she ALWAYS looks that way. How? I have no idea. Maybe she has a maid who cleans and does her laundry, or a babysitter for the kids so she can soak for hours in the tub while giving herself a facial. I don't know, but it makes me feel like total crap. I'm always a mess...I just don't have time to make myself pretty. I clean, cook, change diapers, do laundry, help with homework, chauffer Caiden to and from ball games and practices, and I'm working on my degree...would you have time?? Regardless, I still feel like a total bum and super far from attractive. Luckily, I do have a husband who {says he} doesn't care about the way I look and he thinks I'm perfect no matter what...what he doesn't understand is that I don't actually enjoy not having a shower, wearing sweats all day, and looking like I just don't care...because I DO care, and I WANT to look pretty. So, I searched the internet to see if I could find women like me...and to my delight, the Stepford Mom spoken of above is not the norm. Whew, like I need to be any more abnormal than I already am!!

Real life is when...

You have to leave to take him to school at 7:45 and it's 7:35 and he looks like this because you overslept...(don't ask why he is sleeping in a box, I really don't know :)




Your dishes look like this...




Your trash is overflowing because your husband is too sick to take it out, and you don't have time to care...




Your baby is still in his pajamas at 11:30...




And so are you...




And you've yet to take a shower or even think about combing your hair because you have 2 papers due by midnight...






This is real life...so for every mom out there who thinks that if she stayed at home she would look perfect, her legs would always be shaved, her house would be spotless, her laundry always done...ha ha ha, you're an idiot.







Wednesday, January 20, 2010

How bout that?

Ah ha! I believe I found a site that can help me out without all the HTML crap that I don't understand! Check out the link at the top of my page...this lady is awesome!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My Blog is Depressing...

Every time I think of a new blog post, I write. I have about 15 unfinished posts. The problem here is that the blogs I read everyday are so pretty and mine is, well...boring. Not that I don't have interesting stuff to write about, I just hate looking at my ugly page, especially after looking at everyone else's pages who are adorned with pretty little designs and pictures. It doesn't help that when you search "how to create a blog template" your results come up and they might as well be written in Japanese. Why can't there be something out these that gives you easy instructions?? Of course, there probably is, I just can't find it.